THE TAMING OF ROTTEN JOHN

A Children’s Book For Older Kids

Written and Illustrated by DON HUBBARD

Dedicated to all the parents throughout the
world who wouldn’t lay a hand on little Johnny
for fear of damaging his Id – but finally did.

Don Hubbard
Coronado, California

_____________________________________________________________________________________

This is the story about “Rotten”John,
Who screamed and yelled and carried on.
Who kept his mother so unnerved
That she never gave John what he deserved.

Never, that is, until one day
When John tried, but didn’t get his way.
So read within, you’ll understand
Why Johnny’s bottom was finally tanned.

John cried, “Oh Mom-you’re bad to me!
You make me bathe too frequently.
Let me decide when I’m not clean.
If you decide, that’s being mean.”
His Mom couldn’t stand his carrying on.
From that time on no soap touched John.

“Hey Mom!” yelled John, “it’s just not fair.”
“I hate the way you brush my hair!”
He began to kick and cry and groan.
“I wish you’ld leave my hair alone.”
He promised he would brush his hair,
Then tossed the brush behind the chair.

One day at dinner, in a terrible mood,
He said to his mother, “I hate your food!”
His mother sat there, crying sadly,
Regretting that she’d fed him badly.
So she let him eat what he found handy,
Just lots of cake and coke and candy.

John’s mother said, “Please brush your teeth,
Both the ones on top and the ones beneath.”
But John didn’t like to brush his teeth,
Not the ones on top or the ones beneath.
So he threw the toothbrush over the wall,
And didn’t brush his teeth at all.

When school began John’s mother got
John lots of clothes that cost a lot.
It left her poor, but she didn’t care,
Her little boy had clothes to wear.
But Johnny, dear, could not care less
About the way she made him dress.

He climbed a wall and ripped his pants,
And tore off a button to squash some ants.
He walked in the mud out in the street
And used his shirt to wipe his feet.
I must admit, John’s Mom was sad,
But she still didn’t call her Johnny “bad”.

Not even when Granny came to the house
And told his Mom, “Your John’s a louse!
I’ve caught him hitting little girls,
And shooting BBs at the squirrels.”
But Johnny’s Mom cried, “Oh my, no!
John’s just high-strung, I’ll leave him so.”

So John grew smelly, John grew soiled,
John grew fat and terribly spoiled.
His hair was tangled, his teeth turned green.
He was the awfullest mess you’ve ever seen.
He lied and cheated, swore and stole,
His breath would melt a jelly roll.

The one thing everyone said about John,
It would be very nice if John were gone!”
And even John’s Mom began to pray
That some day John would run away.
But John knew what a deal he’d found,
So instead of running, he stayed around.

Then, one day, his luck ran out,
And that’s what I want to tell you about.
He yelled at his Mom, “You’re big and fat!”
[You must never tell a lady a thing like that]
His mother’s smile turned to a frown
As she slowly put her knitting down.
She snapped little Johnny across her lap.
Down came her hand, whap! whap! whap!

So there, you see, it was a nasty crack
That finally broke the camel’s back,
And made his Mom make up her mind
To redden little John’s behind.

The neighbors came from miles around
To listen to that welcome sound
Of Johnny yelling, “ouch, stop, whow!
Honest Mom, I’ll be good now.”
But she didn’t stop ’til she was sure
That his little bottom was good and sore.

That was the day John saw the light.
He learned to tell the wrong from right.
He kept himself all nice and neat,
And helped old ladies cross the street.
He cleaned his room and he was quiet.
He shifted to a vegetarian diet.

He never teased the girls or squirrels.
He brushed his teeth ’til they shone like pearls.
He took warm food to grandmother’s house,
Who no longer called little John a louse.
How long do you think he stayed that way?
About three days ’til the pain went away!